uncle simon in beijing

i noe mum would love to see this.

fake LV slipper

bought it during lunch-time shopping. SGD8. anor colleague reckons i cd get it at half price. looks hilariously fake. it's comfy. it's now my office slipper.

TGIF!

i want to pour out all my frustrations. but saying anything now would be a biased opinion. i need to cool down, buy some shoes (which i did. 2.) and go for a facial tonight. i miss all my friends in singapore. for some reasons they are able to accept and enjoy the way that i am and not judge me in a negative light. i think the story is too long to be retold again and again.

quarter-life crisis. i've past it.

there's been a bit of talk about this and maybe T has finally nailed it down to quarter-life crisis. the thing why i'm the least affected is perhaps becos i've really gone past it and sometimes i forget that i'm the oldest in the ring of people.

the year i was 25 had been the worst year for me. paul left me, joa hurt me. it was hard to stay at a job and all i cd write about was how painful it was. they say i was a shadow of myself. i spoke in circles, i could not decipher right from wrong. i lost my self and looking at old pictures of me when i was 21, 22 and 23 felt it like i was looking at a total stranger. she seemed happy and glowing. and when i looked into the mirror, all i saw was dread, rejection, and hopelessness.

i gave up writing. i felt i didnt want to do it anymore. maybe never again. i stopped reading too. so i just concentrated on watching dramas and getting lost in that fantasy world where there was no sylvia. for the rest of the year, i worked at a boutique and found joy cajoling with rich old ladies, flattering their ageing figure and finally getting their cash. that job was 6 days a week and took up all of my days and evenings in exchange of a pitance pay. for a while i felt contented yet i was most embarrassed. i was afraid of running into familiar faces. i was afraid of pple seeing signs of pity, less gloat at my misery.

but i went on, day after day, bracing the smile on my face and lamenting to all those nice older people who lent me understanding ears and a comforting shoulder. many of them have become intimate friends with me. till today, they ask about me and they're nosy about my oh-so-dramatic life. they always tell me, "it's like that. u'll get over it", like it was oh-so-simple. and they were right. it was.

i got out of it after i got into a job that i wasn't cut out for. i had a most flirtatious superior and motherly art directors (i love them!), and a pig-head for a boss. i wrote little ads everyday and by and by i got back on track. then i planned my big escape. and here i am in beijing. it's not ideal and my life is far from perfect. but joa and i mended the bridge and we live like an old couple. he tells me off everyday for not switching off the lights, and i am pissed with him for turning off my mp3 charger everytime. i earn a little more than i did at the boutique and everyday i find new things to feel pissed about. but it's no crisis. it's just another way of life.

joa is lost and he's insecure about things. i had two persons professing their fondness for me in the last 3 weeks. it's funny and moving but i'm already in love and this love makes it wretchingly hard for me to give it up. just having joa looking blue makes me anxious. i want to draw on that smile on his little face. since he's come back, he keeps randomly flashing this picture of him as a baby in my face. he's proud of it and i still love that baby although he's lost all that chubbiness now. tell me how to make him smile again, please. i'd like to draw on my own experience but my own was horrible. it was two years wasted to the quarter-life crisis! but it was no biggie. i walked out of it, a more resilient person, more aligned with my dreams. i'm proud of it. i'm out of it.

Team retreat

my third company retreat this month. this time it's with the BD team and the V-crew. a 2D1N stay at a australian winery. our first stop was at 黑龙潭, a nature reserve with beautiful mountain ranges, waterfalls and a breathtaking view. we didn't manage to hike all 3 hrs first becos my colleagues weren't keen, and even when 3 of us pressed on, we found the trail difficult. it was hard to climb steps and ladders (yes, ladders) in the caves and we were told a rain was coming. but it was a good workout. i had enough of stairs.

so this is where we lived. charming little mansion that has rooms with juicy looking apple-green walls. i suspect it was to hide the moss growing on the walls. i had a room all to myself becos my roomate decided to quit (the job) the day before. we had a feast for dinner. not great food. but at leas they were amazingly fresh. there was also karaoke and mahjong lined up.
loved looking at the wild plants and the animals that was reared nearby. an ostrich farm and a horse range. thats a pony i'm trying to touch. they're awfully friendly and now i so want to ride a horse!
it's been a long time since i felt this close to nature. great scenenary, fresh air and lovely animals. i think i shd visit the aquarium soon.

reflection

it's our 6th month in beijing. a lot of things have happened in between. we've got lost, confused, pissed off, conned, fought; and we've also been blessed, learned, grew, and saw. definitely being here has made me realised how fortunate i am to be singaporean, as well as how fortunate i am to be away from singapore. C is a huge country. not in size, but in its traditions, living, and mindset.

the past few months have been emotionally draining. making new friends and seeing them off. joa and i seem to be a constant in all of these. saying goodbye now means less to me. i realised i've learned to see the good of not having my friends around. so it's easier and sometimes, saying goodbye is just a painful ritual and it's better not to have it at all. so i let many of them leave with just well wishes in an email. it doesn't matter whether we will meet each other within this year or next. we've got a whole lifetime to run into each other again, be it in singapore, china, taiwan, australia, or even anywhere else. and when we do meet, we sd tell about how great our life is.

contrary to popular belief, i do not crave for a globe-trotting life. but i crave for new experiences and new insights to people's lives. my family thinks i'm too wild for my own good and my cousins think i'm just a different child. but the truth is all i really want in life is a beach wedding, an apartment on a high floor and quiet weekend nights.

our experience here has helped bring on new meaning to our aspirations. a home is very important and being near our parents and having our children grow up with them is ideal. i miss home. miss the smell of mum's cooking and making silly puns with my bro. i miss driving in night and getting lost with joa next to me. i miss waffle tuesdays with chums and having them rally behind me when i bitch about other pple. and i miss my adorable nephews. at the end of everything, i realise nothing in C compares to what i have in singapore and i'm not just talking about the government.

it's hard making friends here. partly because i've got my best friend here with me, and that everyone just seems so different. i can't talk to them about jealousy, insecurity or tell them what i just heard from God. at least joa does. but it's different now that he's playing the 'masculine' role and he cannot be compared to a girl chum.

i miss all of you. i'm sure u all know who you are :)

monday brunch

not having to work on mondays felt like i was on top of the world. joa and i spent his last day in beijing having a nice brunch at la tavern and he remarked at how relaxing it was.

i like how this little french restaurant has a dining area in the small courtyard. suzette crepe was terribly bitter. but the profiteroles was just splendid! that one's for pancakes *wink*