reflection

it's our 6th month in beijing. a lot of things have happened in between. we've got lost, confused, pissed off, conned, fought; and we've also been blessed, learned, grew, and saw. definitely being here has made me realised how fortunate i am to be singaporean, as well as how fortunate i am to be away from singapore. C is a huge country. not in size, but in its traditions, living, and mindset.

the past few months have been emotionally draining. making new friends and seeing them off. joa and i seem to be a constant in all of these. saying goodbye now means less to me. i realised i've learned to see the good of not having my friends around. so it's easier and sometimes, saying goodbye is just a painful ritual and it's better not to have it at all. so i let many of them leave with just well wishes in an email. it doesn't matter whether we will meet each other within this year or next. we've got a whole lifetime to run into each other again, be it in singapore, china, taiwan, australia, or even anywhere else. and when we do meet, we sd tell about how great our life is.

contrary to popular belief, i do not crave for a globe-trotting life. but i crave for new experiences and new insights to people's lives. my family thinks i'm too wild for my own good and my cousins think i'm just a different child. but the truth is all i really want in life is a beach wedding, an apartment on a high floor and quiet weekend nights.

our experience here has helped bring on new meaning to our aspirations. a home is very important and being near our parents and having our children grow up with them is ideal. i miss home. miss the smell of mum's cooking and making silly puns with my bro. i miss driving in night and getting lost with joa next to me. i miss waffle tuesdays with chums and having them rally behind me when i bitch about other pple. and i miss my adorable nephews. at the end of everything, i realise nothing in C compares to what i have in singapore and i'm not just talking about the government.

it's hard making friends here. partly because i've got my best friend here with me, and that everyone just seems so different. i can't talk to them about jealousy, insecurity or tell them what i just heard from God. at least joa does. but it's different now that he's playing the 'masculine' role and he cannot be compared to a girl chum.

i miss all of you. i'm sure u all know who you are :)