Movie Review: The Reader

both joa and i loved it. initially i'd been attracted to it because it's been a such a long time since i last saw a R21 film in the theatres (the last being Lust, Caution), and also i'd always liked how Kate Winslet exuded this sense of feminine sensuality.

the story is about a passionate affair between a boy and an older women. after a summer, she disappears and they meet again 8 years later in a courtroom - he, a law student, and she, one of the accused on trial for being part of the post WWII holocaust.

this story reminds me of First Love, its innocence, its tragedy, and how it remains unforgettable for the rest of one's life. the backdrop of Germany post WWII serves as a whole separate living dimension while the sex scenes expresses raw human emotions.

there ain't many titillating sex scenes but a story of a love affair that will interest audience. though it was a bit slow and had an eerie feel about it, still it brings the audience through a plot development with many surprises. definitely, worth a watch.

Happy Niu Year

‘鱼生’i made for cny eve reunion dinner. spent 3 hours shredding and soaking the vegetables plus decorating it in style to welcome the Niu year. felt really proud of the final outcome although i wished i had the sense to cut the vegetables lengthwise instead of breathwise so the shreds could be longer. joa was utterly mad at me for being an hour's late for his family's reunion dinner. that was a damper :/

xephr, in his chinese suit and still refusing to let me (or anyone else) cuddle him. but the flashlight from the camera is always a surprise to him. little kids. had a good cny this year, if not a quiet one. there were people missing from gatherings and loved ones who were feeling poorly and disheartened. it's just like the economic crisis atm. i was just reading the papers recently and it occured to me that people who lost their jobs recently were still obliged to pay up their owing income tax despite receiving zero income.

things are starting to look up for joa. he's been offered a job as an education counsellor and tho he was apprehensive at first, he eventually accepted it (as a buffer till a better paying job comes along). but he's wrecked with guilt that he is planning to quit the minute he gets a better job. last night he went off to pray for 2 mins and when he returned, i asked him what God said and he replied saying, "God asked would i still accept this job offer knowing i'd quit in a month's time if Jesus was the employer." i told him it's his conscience acting up and he should go to sleep.

i shd have told him that if Jesus was the employer, he'd offer a fatter paycheque and better job prospects to make sure he takes the job and stay on it. silly baby :)

pre-holiday blues

we're a day away from cny and my last working day of the week before i break off for 3 days to celebrate chinese new year. this year, we've got more than enough bak kwa, and mum's baked pineapple tarts, cake lapis, cashew nuts and even prepared muah chee to entertain guests.

i've gotten ready three new dresses (one i haven't worn since i bought years back), and set aside a cardigan i got free as my uniform. i'm really excited about cny. but really, i'm more so about the break. sitting in this empty shop 8 hours straight 5 days a week drives me almost crazy. i'm painfully bored. but i still thank God for air con, the internet and v nice colleagues.

anyway, i meant to post some pics of the goodies mum made. guess i'll do it next time. Happy 牛 Year!

unsatiating appetite

is there anything that can stop me from eating. i get a rude shock whenever i catch a glimpse of my reflection (side profile esp!). my arms are horribly fat and i think i see a bit of a double chin when i turn sideways. now that i'm coming to an end to the second trimester (26 weeks in), i'm feeling hungry all the time. after a heavy meal, it usually doesnt take more than 2 hours before i feel my stomach rumbling again.

i was warned of putting on (way) too much weight. and i'm trying to stick to a cap of 12 kilos from my pre pregnancy. but now that i'm only about two-thirds on, i'm almost hitting 10 kilos! so i told myself to put in some effort in exercising. this morn, joa and i woke up at 7.30am and headed to the stadium. but i was so hungry in the morning, i had to sneak in two slices of cake lapis that mum baked last nite before my 8 rounds around the track. when i got back, joa toasted a hotdog and cut me a thin slice of bread. i topped it off with an apple and a small piece of bak kwa. and u'd think that was all i had for breakfast. nada! i had to buy an ice milo when i got to work - it must have been all the walking. for lunch, i had a chef salad (with honey baked ham, chicken, roast beef and a hard boiled egg and cheese(!)) plus a side plate of french fries, and now, barely shy of one hour, and i'm contemplating ordering hokkien noodles from the stall! oh man, do pregnant women eat this much?! i mean, seriously, wat's the point of all my walking if i'm going to be eating half a cow later on?

man, help me. i mean, i'm not craving for anything in particular. and i swear, i feel the hunger pangs! oh wait-wait. there's the smell of my colleague's lunch. let me go check out wat she's eating.

happy bull!

i can't say how excited i am for this cny. for several years, cny held bittersweet sentiments. there were many where i looked on enviously at cousins who arrived with a partner. then there was one i where i got divorced and the next two just pretending to enjoy the festivities. the truth is, altho nothing beats collecting many ang pows, it's always more fun to have someone with you.

this year is exceptionally meaningful for me becos looking at all the cny deco, i can't help feel a tad proud that inside me is a little ox. Lil' J might miss cny this year, but come next year, we'd deck him in reds and hopefully have him hold mandarins.

joa and i have changed our notes and are ready to start distributing red packets for the very first time. i can't give much given our jobless states, but at least i'm happy to be giving a small token as a gesture of appreciation to my elders and to bring on that smile to little ones.

this year we've too much bak kwa and mum also prepared her specialties - cake lapis, pineapple tarts, muah chee and konnyaku. this year, i'll be joining my in-laws for reunion and first day and i'm really excited - altho a bit nervous (becos most of joa's relatives still dunno i'm pregnant).

anyway, happy ox year everyone. i wish you prosperity, success and happiness in everything that you do!

Back @ Xi

this is me, back at my counter at Xi. but this time at tanglin shopping centre where human traffic is sparse and i have a swivel chair to sit on most of the time. sales is slow becos it's mainly jade accessories and hand-wonven handbags. but it's a nice environment and i'm accompanied with two friendly admin ladies who work at the back.

this is a really vain shot. but since i was alone, i tot i'd play with my camera for a bit. now, 24 going on 25 weeks. little J is moving a lot and yesterday, i discovered the area around my kneecap swollen with purple and green varicose veins. anyway, at thursday's checkup, dr cheng gave a good report. and i know when is the EDD. it's 28th April altho joa and i are confessing it to be 1 May for a good date. It's Labour Day. like, LABOUR DAY!!! so doc said, pray harder and donate more to church.

marriage squabbles

i hate it when we argue. over the most trivial matters - where to eat, what to eat, what he said, what i said, how he behaved, how i behaved, etc, etc. the list is endless and in all sorts of variations.

i'm feeling the pressure of me not working. not so much the money bit (yet), just the fact that sitting at home without an agenda for an entire day - day after day- is stifling. singapore is a boring shit island, dun u think? there's nowhere new to visit, nothing new to try, and too hot to venture out. so i stay home and watch the tv (which is starting to really bore me) while joa scours the internet for hours on end to send out tons of job applications.

so i've decided to take up a part-time job. work starts on tues. even though it's a boring-ass job, but at least i'll earn some keep to offset cny ang pows and a replenishment of SKII facial treatment essence.

meanwhile, we're on a cold war. it's been 20 mins. i hate it.

coming back to living

it's over: the funeral, the shock, the heartache. i spent the last 2 weeks just pondering over life and death and going about my usual routine to assure myself that life ahead of me is still long and i'm certainly not going to lose any more loved ones at least for a while. i wrote a long letter to my godpa and attended the last night of the wake with a red ribbon tied around my waist. at least there's some form of closure.

on monday, Little Nonya too came to an end. i love the ending. i love how she sacrificed her love and missed out on some of the pleasures in life. i applaud the writer for his wisdom in this - it's true, life is not a bed of roses. drama should be a reflection of either reality or fantasy. and in this case, he's chosen the former. it's a right balance - afterall, how many of such heroines righteous and gorgeous as Yue Niang do we meet everyday? so i think critical people who feels the writer has let them down should just stop whining and do all they can to cherish what love they have and love to death. that'll be the lesson to learn from that.

joa and i celebrated our first Couple Anniversary two nights ago. we watched Bedtime Stories and then took a walk at 12 midnight from AMK to Serangoon Gardens - a reenactment of our first V-day date in 1999. it was a cute gesture and joa was delighted when i suggested it. but i regretted it ten mins on becos my hips and my thighs were starting to ache.

i've decided to take up a part time retail job. it took me a long time to decide becos the pay is minimal and i fear it might be boring ass. but on hindsight it'll get me paid while out of the house and pay for some of our expenses.

baby update: Little J is pushing 23 weeks and i'm gaining a hearty appetite (and lots of weight). so far, i'm enjoying pregnancy minus the fact that i look horrible in mirrors. i realise it's too soon before i know it. we calculated his zodiac and horoscope and it seems he's likely gonna be a 'double bull' - born in the year of the Ox under the Taurus Star. oh god, i pray against a bullish mule.

A Tribute to my Godfather

my Papa has passed away. he was my favourite uncle, my foster dad during my childhood, and my stand-in dad who was always there when my own dad could not. as a child, i knew what time i cd expect him to knock off work and return home. i'd hear his whistle, which means i'd have to open the door for him.

he was always smiling, gentle and never rose his voice. then when i was in brisbane, i got news that he'd suffered a massive stroke that left him half-paralysed and bedridden. i cd not be there but i cried in bed for a week, lamenting the ill fortunes that befell on my loved ones.

when i returned, he was no longer the active uncle i knew whom could be count on for a free car lift. then, he was totally dependant on us. and i felt it was only right, considering the million of favours he's done for us. for years, i'd sense a nag to pray for him, to lay hand on the part of his body that couldn't move anymore. but i didn't. i was too much of a coward. too afraid to be told off and even facing his rejection.

as helpless as he was, he still had on his smile and his dignity. he didn't need your company if you felt awkward around him, so i escaped all the time. but tonight, at the start of the new year, he passed on. a massive heart attack had claimed him too soon. once again, i hadn't been able to be there due to my pregnancy. again, i got away.

the last few times i saw him, i remember feeling a profound sense of sadness. i told joa, we had to pray for him together. still we didn't. i regret all those times i hadn't been there. he was always there but i wasn't. he always extended a helping hand. yet i didn't extend even a bit of God's grace. i only even had one picture of him at my wedding!

forever, i will remember the adorable way he smiled, the friendly way he chuckled, his boisterous whistling and the gentle father he'd been to me.

Papa,

thank you for being a blessing in my life.

i will remember you always and tell my children

what a helpful, generous person

you've been.