updates

my ears are much better today although they still leave stains on my pillows in the nights much to joa's disgust.

yesterday i made my conclusive trip to my gynae for the final checkup and pap smear. my doc calls me "the brave girl" and advised me not to "listen to the turkeys" about my self-doubts about breast-feeding. i love going to his clinic and hearing him banter about no-nonsense medical theories. there's always something new to learn.

we're coming on to the 7th week and Cookie can now coo instead of just plain wailing. he's also beginning to smile more and exhibit moods (best in the morning and dwindles to worst in the evenings). i'm also starting to get a hang of his nap times (usually at the most inconvenient hours), and his feeds.

as for me, i've finally reconciled the fact that motherhood means i'll have to sacrifice time to myself, shopping and social life. but funny how it's all starting to fall so easily. yesterday we were at the mall and while joa was occupied at the tcm clinic for his massage, it meant i had time alone to shop. but as i walked through my favourite labels and peered through the window at the massive sales, i somehow felt a greater urge to head to Kiddy Palace to check out breastpumping accessories instead.

and oh, we (finally) bought a baby sling. it's of a nice rich purple colour and i'm still getting a hang of it. i tried putting Cookie in it but he's still struggling. retaining still a bit of my sense for fashion, i find this a much trendier way rather than joa's which comprises of a car seat mounted atop an old hand-me-down stroller.

i'm becoming emotional about weaning the Cookie to a bottle. even tho it'll still be breastmilk, but for some reason i feel edgy at the thought that he might reject me after the bottle is introduced. joa said i'm nuts and that i'm missing the point of parenthood which is hope for our children to grow up independant and strong. it was a horrible reminder becos he's so adorably tiny now but alas, he's growing too fast!

i feel uneasy just having Cookie sit in his chair all day. at first, i'd thought having colourful toys and music overhead would help stimulate his senses. and now that it's all been done, he looks really bored and i fear he'd turn stupid just sitting there for hours on stretch.

should i read him some stories since i'm not a really 'fun' kind of mommy. joa's really good with him, i must say. there are times when Cookie is left alone with me that i can sense that he wants his dad more than me since i'm no fun at all. so that brings me back to the whole bottle-feeding issue. if Cookie decides he likes the bottle, then what's good left of me?