about valentine's day

it's valentine's day tomorrow but i think we're staying home. i'm not saying this out of sour grapes but what exactly does valentine's day mean? it's a puzzle i've been trying to figure out ever since 14 feb started to mean something. to me, the best way to celebrate v-day is to use it as an excuse to inaugurally ask a special someone out or have a special someone ask you out.

as far as i can remember, v-day was ever only special once. it was in 1998 and a musician i had a crazy crush on had asked me to a concert. i was exhilarated beyond words. but what happened during the date was the real deal - i ended up spending it with joa. later we both realised it was each other's virgin valentine's day date. we didn't do anything special. but our soulmateship sparked from that day on. he was just a boy who seemed handsome enough and i, a cell group member who seemed nice enough.

but it was special. and after that, every other valentine's paled.

one valentine, i tried to make it special by heading out to the Gold Coast for seafood. The crayfish mornay was great but the walk on the beach sucked. the company was all wrong and i knew it there and then. and then i tried to reenact the scene from Lady and the Tramp, the scene where they had meatball linguini by the candlelight. for a while i had an idealism that spagetti was a v-day food, just like bak kwa is a chinese new year goodie.

for many years, v-day was a day i sulked all day and wished it'll just skip. then in beijing last year, we headed out on a freezing night. when we reached the restaurant, we found out we didn't really want to spend SGD160 on a meal. so we settled for jiaozi at the chinese diners next door. it cost only SGD7. there was nothing really special about the night. or the night in 1998. it was just a hell lot of walk. walk and talk. while the former in sg warmed me up with a wonderful conversation, the latter in beijing warmed me up with my hands held in his pocket through ever step. still both felt warmest in the heart. and if anything, v-day should feel like that.

so wat about this year? joa's not feeling well. we're both exhausted from our new jobs and the anticipation of the baby on the way. but i'm sure we'll find a way somehow. no surprises i think. i didn't even prepare a gift and his plans to take me to a restaurant i've always fancied has either been dashed or postponed. but i can take heart in that no matter what, i've already found my forever valentine. and i think that's the key to keeping my heart warm.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. May this day be the sweetest for you of all!