updates

job hunting has never felt this disheartening. my job search since coming back home has been futile. five interviews, i've been, and none, if they hadn't minded the fact that i'm pregnant, would have minded the fact that my specialisation in writing simply does not make me the all-rounded and experienced in all aspects executive that they'd like me to be.

so i'm facing rejection in my own country from my own people whom at this precarious time has chosen to lean towards multi-skills and experienced people whom can be paid less yet can manage a several portfolios all at once with little or no guidance.

i'm admiring my friends who are able to go to work everyday, dress up to the nines and have money to buy whatever they like. i'm stuck with shopping at maternity shops, trying to save whatever i can for the baby, and trying to decide what to do from now till next april.

but the days are flying by fast. already, i'm 20 weeks pregnant and due for a FA scan this friday. Dr Cheng will check all of Little J's organs and his facial features. i pray for zero defects and no cleft lip.

now tat i'm (not being arrogant here, but really) "basking in marital bliss", i cannot help but feel distant from all the love woes that my friends are going through. in most situations now, i feel more like a guru, as if a graduate from the school of courtship and romance. still i remind myself that i can still, fall into the same category of heartache and blindness.

i've always believed in love at first sight. and i'm lucky to have experienced it twice. the first was a wonderful, unforgettable experience. the second, a destruction. love can be beautiful and sweet. but it can also steal and destroy. i believe the best kind of love comes with a common understanding, with a mutual sense of humour and principles. love, when it ends, can either bring you a new confidante, or lead in an enemy for life. so love is unpredictable. and it's always good to just cruise on and see where the tide takes you.

christmas is coming. it's next week. but i'm not so excited. there's no christmas mood in the air and simply no money for presents and big feast. but i know, this is the first and last christmas that joa and i will have with each other. next year, we'll have a little elf destroying our peace and quiet.

i'm wondering what kind of a mother i'll make and what will overcome me when i first set my eyes on my little boy. will i cry or will i not like the way he looks?