jitters or is it just me.

is it the jitters that's setting in now or is it just my paranoia. i seem to feel nothing is quite unusual about the impending wedding. i'm sure i haven't found the perfect gowns, selected the right colours for my sisters, and made the right choice for the bedsheets. i somehow feel every decision was made in a mad rush. i wasn't given enough time to ponder, to research, and to deliberate.

of cos i'm thankful for the wondrous people who've been putting in the hours to help while i struggle with all these uncertainties. but my body's in the worst shape. my tummy is starting to bulge, my face is breaking out. i can't exercise, i can't eat less, and i can't stop putting on weight.

i dun think i will be the perfect bride i've always dreamt of being. everyone else has the prettiest face, the shapiest body and the best gowns. but not me. suddenly i feel terrified. i'm scared to face the day, the guests, and even receiving the well wishes feels ill-deserved.