back on the hunt again

i am starting to look for work again. people have been asking me if and when was i going back to work. i must say that is the toughest question.

Little J has just passed the three-month milestone. and now that he's beginning to settle down into a routine, i know it's also about time i face reality and hit the rat race again.

so i started poring over the job search websites again and i must say how much i abhore those online application forms! can't they just stick to email where attaching an email makes life so much easier. anyway, this time, i feel myself not much in a rush. sure i need the money. sure my savings is depleting one after another. but when i see that little smile, that cute squeal, and those beautiful eyes, i just wish everyone else could just leave me alone. (so you see, it's not just cable TV that's been keeping me home!)

but i know this is not being very smart and it's just the hormones acting up. surely i will applaud myself for making the decision to return to work once i get my hands on that gucci bag.

i have an interview tmr. it's a recommendation from my cousin. frankly, i'm not keen. but i think it'll be good exercise and preparation for me to return to the workforce. it might also be a potential employer.

have i ever lamented just how treacherous job hunting is? it sucks. it feels like subjecting oneself under the mercy of employers who scrutinise, judge you, and put a pricetag on you.

on to happier things. my birthday is coming. it's at least something to look forward to with nice dinners with family and friends. my wishlist? a new mobile (already got), a pair of earrings (that tourmaline one!), the pair of CNY clogs, and dinner at Ben & Jerry's. *hint hint*

Julian @ 10 weeks

taken two weeks back when the little darling was 10 weeks old. he's grown so fast. too fast. unlike the scrawny little alien looking bundle we brought home from the hospital. now, he is spotting a double-chin (no neck), has hair growing all in the right places, became fairer, makes baby noises, and smiles and squeals like every adorable baby.

everyone at home love him to bits. even my snob of a brother. it's amazing how much joy a baby brings to people. whenever we bring Little J out, everyone starts peering into the stroller. it's like a natural thing to do. so imagine when joa's carrying the baby and everyone looks into the stroller i'm pushing only to find my shopping bags. no adorable baby but one shopaholic mother.

gtg cut this short. baby's up and hungry!

on writing

i miss writing. miss overlooking a grand scenary for inspiration and then pouring my heart out on the notebook. yesterday, i felt a sudden angst to write a story. a story that i've always known yet have hesitated because i was taught at school that we should never write about ourselves, but only about things that we know best.

need to get my own notebook fixed and running and start to pen fantasies onto 'paper'. anyone know where i can get cheap laptop repairs?

new look!

... and new phone :)))

money matters

i hate to think about money. i only like the things it can buy.

joa's recently turned into this self-taught financial guru. reading up about financial IQ from books and websites, whatever he can get his hands on. and then he'd turn the advice on me, lecturing me about my spendthrift ways.

i do not deny that i am a spendthrift. i buy everything i fancy and often maxing out what cash i have. and i know it's a bad habit. i don't need three different blue mascaras, five different tones of blushers, two of the same t-shirt in different colours, and the list goes on for clothes, shoes, bags and everything else.

what can i say? i love to shop. i love to pore over the shelfs for new things. i love the novelty of wearing something new, using something new and exploring something new. yet i know all these are an utter waste of money. that at the end of the day, they all land up in the thrash can.

he's been reminding me of the money we need to save for our new place. for renovation, for the swanky furnitures that i want, and for the exotic looking wallpaper i want for our feature wall. where's all the money gonna come from? from years of penny-pinching of course. that means, being practical in my wishlist, omitting items that i can do without and quit my habit of buying anything i set my eyes on.

i plead with guilt.

we've been debating about my plan to get a new phone for months. the current one is glitchy - we both agree - and unfashionable - i agree. i had initially set my eyes on the E61i. the boorish predecessor of the E71. how i came to this is quite a irrational. i'd seen someone with it (the red one) and she looked darned cool with it. and so there was this stall that had it (the same red one) with a price that was agreeable - $300 less than the E71.

i tried to set joa up for it as a birthday gift. first of all, he thought it was an ugly phone and second of all, he thought it had too many functions that i didn't use. but most of all, he knew i didn't need a new phone. and i didn't.

at the end, after many hours prowling all the mobile stalls in the neighbourhood, he offered to buy me the LG Ice cream which he felt was more suited to me. so here it is, my final indulgence. i hope with this, i will learn to be wiser in the way i spend my money and finally attain my ideal person - the super woman who's not only flashy in her outlook, but also with an impressive bank balance.

luxury

my perk-me-up. and Joa in the driver's seat. newbie driving with both hands. haha!

pre-bedtime mumblings

Joa got his driver's licence last Thursday and I'm both proud and relieved. Now that things are so much more convenient since I get to nurse Cookie in the car. He was also on half-day work today so we swung by TPY to get a NUK bottle (and of course, bubble tea!).

I've decided to trust the experts' recommendation and combine bottle and breast feeding - without myself present during bottle time. Also, I should take the opportunity and go on an afternoon shopping trip while leaving Cookie with Mum and the Bottle. Perhaps then I'll begin to see The Bottle in a more positive light.

Just for the record

We're getting a hang of Cookie now. Wake up call at 6am (darn it!), afternoon naps at 12pm, bedtime at 9pm (too early!), midnight feed at 2am (urgh!), and needing to soothe or feed at 4am (and if we're unlucky, every hour after!). He hates to be anywhere else but home; loves the wind in the garden; hates having his neck scrubbed; loves the sound of water running. His best source of comfort: his dad, of course. His favourite toys being the Winnie-The-Pooh mobile over his cotbed, the cow beanie, and Cookie Monster. His worst time of the day: tummy time.

Joa - great job as dad. Already bored of his new appointment as Infantry Officer and infatuated with Papaya Milk.

Me? I've regained about 70% of stamina for running - 4km at the track and 5km on the treadmill all under 40mins. My weight has reached a plateau for over almost two months now and I still have 7kg to shed. Still unable to fit into my bottoms but the gap is closing in. Breasts still huge as ever - hate it - and still having trouble with damned pump.

Appetite: irresistable to Koi Cafe and have odd cravings for Double Cheeseburger. In fact the cravings are so bad I think of having them both everyday.

Sleep: extremely tired. Most mornings I am awoken by Cookie whimpering about wanting to go for a walk in the garden. So I ignore him and bear with his incessant cries until I awake an hour or two later to find him fast asleep next to me.

Activity: Apart from quick running sessions and the brief drive-outs for bubble tea and other necessities, I'm mostly at home, watching the online videos and breastfeeding.

What I'm excited about: Dad's installing cable tv (finally!), weekly maccas treat, bubble tea, and the coming issue of Cleo. Weird since I've never credited any of those articles. But I'm really reading it for the fashion, beauty and medical infotainment.

What I miss especially: hanging out long hours with friends talking about everything and nothing.