fab weekend

buggy bad

For months now, I've been trying to convince Joa that we need a new buggy for the bub. But he feels we can still make do with the 10-year-old one that my neighbour has given us. I don't deny that it is a good and practical one for us who's pushing it, but it has very poor rest support for the little one especially when he naps, and too small a canopy to shield him from the sun.

So I managed to negotiate with the agent of BLINK (see pic)to sell it to me at press price. It's been two weeks and I still haven't gotten round to Joa. I guess it's not just him but I'm procrastinating as well, and especially when I haven't gotten over the heartburn of having spent $800 on a new set of breastpump which was a little over the top, isn't it?

Anyway. There's the other problem. If we bought this, how do I get rid of the other two? yes, there's not one but two hand-me-downs strollers at home. And dad is fussing about how the house looks like a baby's warehouse with all the things lying around. But that's wat happens when a baby arrives! It's times like these that I can so understand why Joa badly wants us to get our own nest.

What should I do?

A very special day

Today is a special day which marks two very special occasions – my parent’s 29th wedding anniversary, and our first wedding anniversary. The family celebration was held last night and Dad took us out for a seafood dinner. Dad is your traditional, conservative person who feels there’s no need for mushy stuffs. And I think I kinda inherit some of that trait. And Joa being Joa, you can expect that there’s no Gucci bag for me hiding in his closet. So it was only this morning that we decided to make an impromptu dinner plan for tonight to celebrate our first year together as a married couple.

When I realised that November 9th was drawing near, I was taken aback at how fast a year had past. I can’t believe that it had been a whole year since our crazy-chop-chop wedding which I remember both fondly and dreadfully. Sure we’ve had our fights and mad-hair days. But in a year, we’ve made many new things - a new addition to the family, new careers, a new car, new dreams and a whole new life together. Often I’d think about how blissful my life at the present is, and how I’d miss it sorely someday when I find myself old, abandoned, and diseased.

Joa and I have really come a long, faraway, way. 10 years spanning Singapore to Melbourne and then to Beijing. God really meant what He said when back in 2002, He said to me that Joa and I would go on a “detour” – and we did, both in time, circumstances and proximity. I don’t think I’ve ever felt closer to a person than Joa ever is to me. He’s one person who’s seen me both at my best and worst, and one whom I’m most comfortable with revealing my true nature, bad habits and all. We share some interests and other differences just complement one another.

I remember him through the year occasionally telling me that he’s now made the mark to being my longest-lasting husband. Not that I think that was funny. But silly him. I think he’s the only one whom I’d ever choose to marry and if there was a next life, and the next, I’d only want to be with him.

On Saturday, he’d suggested that we did a quiet dinner together to celebrate our anniversary but I went on to gather some friends because I thought it’d be more fun with more people. That made him a tad disappointed. The thing is, any time spent alone with him is quality enough. I didn’t think we needed to specially make plans to be alone together. But I think I was wrong. We need to give each other special privileges and twosome time.

To my baby of a hubby: Thanks for being such a wonderful, loving, supportive partner. I know I’ve been a crazy bitch what with the pregnancy, the lack of sleep, the new job, breastfeeding, and my noisy family but thanks for bearing, while at the same time, embracing all of that. Thanks for sacrificing everything for us and putting us above everything you do. Thanks for being my BFF, confidante, soulmate, partner, ‘handbag’, ATM, financial advisor, prayer buddy, sex god and movie friend. You’re my Supermodel and Little J’s Superdad! We love you! xoxo

happy days

The last two weeks have been productive. I've started my official journalist-writer kind of interviews - did five last week -, photoshoots, and story-writing and i feel good.

Many friends and family were really surprised when I told them I was going to interviews, or I just came back from one. Their first reaction was, "Why? You changing jobs again?"

No lah. So I thought about a better word to use but couldn't find any. So I explained that it was those kind of research interview and they went, "Why you must interview? I thought you were in corp comms/ corp mags?"

So it was that I happily volunteered for MCYS publication so I can help promote happy family lifestyle. Joa said that was perfect for me. But I think what's even better for me is the SDU mag! Because I do think that I'm Aunt Agony and Ms Love Vogue. Ha ha! Joke, joke!

Anyhow, on Sat, we went to Joa's colleague's place for steamboat. Getting together with the other army wives was just fantastic. Hearing them complain about their husband OT and stress at work was so marvellous. In fact we were just amused at how similar our grievances were! I'm lucky Joa works with people who married nice women as wives. In fact I wish we could meet up more often. But it'll be kinda over-zealous and odd to propose at our first meeting, wouldn't it?

The long weekend. Joa was off on Monday as well so we snuck out to catch Funny People at Lido. Crappy movie. Too crude, too boring, and too long. I was just waiting for the climax or some kind of a drama and then I felt so bored, and then pissed that it was taking so long. Everyone quickly shuffled out when the credits started to roll. Goes to show just how entertaining it was. I asked Joa how many 'popcorn' this garnered and he said four. Four out of 10 would be apt.

I was gonna reflect about some of the heartland stories I discovered in Hougang last week. Autism children and a couple who was battling with kidney failure. I really do think that I'm extremely fortunate to live in a lifetime where I can pursue a career that I feel passionate about and eat whatever I like and buy whatever I fancy. Whenever I pick up my little boy and see him smile, I remind myself that there are people just nearby who have problems that are too big for me. This guy, Thung Toh Khee, just donated his kidney to his wife. But more than that, I think he's an amazing, wonderful guy. Just hearing him speak was an enjoyable experience. People like him makes me feel that the world is such a great place to be in.

I'm just about to leave the office so I can go on an indian-hunt. Yeah, need to track down some young indian youths for yet another soundbite.

my twitter:

Errands this weekend:

1) cut hair
2) buy voice recorder
3) fix handphone

not enough time!!!

death-defying

I think I suffer from thanatophobia, in simple terms, it's the fear of death or anything related to it. ever since my uncle died and my baby was born, it dawned on me that a whole new generation has come and taken over.

Everyday, I'd imagine a car accident, and if my dad or Joa comes home late or I cannot find them, I'd think maybe they'd disappeared forever. I love looking at Little J when he's asleep but hate it when I start imagining him cold and still. I look at his chest very often. Just to make sure it's heaving up and down.

An ex-colleague once told me she used to imagine that her kids being kidnapped. Maybe my imagination that my child died is part of the maternal protective instinct. It's morbid, I know. It's something I haven't told anyone, not even Joa.

I was pondering about how we always look forward to the weekend, or to an event that's happening in one or two years time. But what we don't realise is that in between, all that time is wasted. And so, I resolved to treasure every second and every minute of the day. When I awoke this morning, feeling an overwhelming numbness from a lack of sleep, I reminded myself that lazing in bed just one more minute is just wasting another minute of my life. Life is short and it seems everything that I'm doing, exercising, eating, or simply mopping the floor, is just a big waste of time. Imagine having to work five days a week, spending your entire day at the office and missing the baby you'd left at home, only to die at the end of 50 years.

What's the point of it all? I was just thinking that next year, I'd be in my last twentieth year. I'll be thirty. And in a blink of an eye, I'd be forty, and fifty, and sixty, and then a senior citizen! You remember how as young teenagers we cdn't quite wait to grow up. And now that I have, I realised I'm growing old.

I wonder if the eventual "freedom" of death is simply pain in itself. Why can't I stay 28 forever? Why can't my parents and I live like that forever? Why can't my baby be small forever?

Second week

Seven days actually, after deducting the long weekend.

Not much luck with the colleagues yet. But at least I'm more comfortable in my skin, and getting to know one or two of them slowly.

I went home yesterday and saw Mum putting Little J to sleep. His lids were almost shut, and then he heard my voice and immediately turned towards me and gave me the most heart-melting smile. When I walked away to drop my things, he started to whimper. I knew he'd just foiled yet another exercise session. And so, we spent the rest of the evening together, until he fell asleep at nine.

It's the end of September. And it feels like the end of the year. Often it feels life just accelerates after you hit 26. All of a sudden, your parents and relatives are ageing, and you see little children taking their place in the world. One day I'm going to say this same thing, myself having passed more than half of my lifetime. At night when I lay in bed, I look at Joa and wonder how short a lifetime is. You know how when you're thinking you're gonna be sharing a bed with a person forever and at first, it feels like a long time. But I know someday, I'd find myself, alone in my bed. Memories of him snoring next to me fading away. A lifetime is just too short. I guess this is why we have to always cherish one another, becos departure is just ahead.

I think I've separation anxiety of some sort. I always have problems trying to detach from a person or item. It can be anyone. A relative, a crush, a friend, a pet, or a non-living non-breathing thing.

Weekend. Can't wait to spend some real quality time.