Second week

Seven days actually, after deducting the long weekend.

Not much luck with the colleagues yet. But at least I'm more comfortable in my skin, and getting to know one or two of them slowly.

I went home yesterday and saw Mum putting Little J to sleep. His lids were almost shut, and then he heard my voice and immediately turned towards me and gave me the most heart-melting smile. When I walked away to drop my things, he started to whimper. I knew he'd just foiled yet another exercise session. And so, we spent the rest of the evening together, until he fell asleep at nine.

It's the end of September. And it feels like the end of the year. Often it feels life just accelerates after you hit 26. All of a sudden, your parents and relatives are ageing, and you see little children taking their place in the world. One day I'm going to say this same thing, myself having passed more than half of my lifetime. At night when I lay in bed, I look at Joa and wonder how short a lifetime is. You know how when you're thinking you're gonna be sharing a bed with a person forever and at first, it feels like a long time. But I know someday, I'd find myself, alone in my bed. Memories of him snoring next to me fading away. A lifetime is just too short. I guess this is why we have to always cherish one another, becos departure is just ahead.

I think I've separation anxiety of some sort. I always have problems trying to detach from a person or item. It can be anyone. A relative, a crush, a friend, a pet, or a non-living non-breathing thing.

Weekend. Can't wait to spend some real quality time.

Optimistic

This is it. I’m sitting here at my new desk at the second floor of my new workplace. It’s a big office, with a lounge area that has a massage chair, an open pantry kitchen. We’re clustered among the other magazines. There isn’t one desk around me that’s neat. Every one has a mountain of magazines and documents. And this makes me smile, because for once, I know I’m in the right job.

It’s day four today. No one’s in the office yet so I’m just enjoying some solitude moments to myself. I thought I should post in my blog, and tell everyone that although I haven’t met a chum whom I can get on like 'a house on fire’, I know (quietly wish) that She is somewhere around. And now I can’t help but miss Mandy. The intern girl at Highteam who always make me laugh. I wonder how is she doing. Sometimes, I get this urge to ‘rescue’ her out of China. She’s not impoverished or anything. In fact, she’s a really bright and hardworking girl. But I always think, while looking at the PRCs in Singapore, that more than any of them, she should be here.

Leaving in the mornings hasn’t been so bad yet. I get to talk to Little J while getting ready for work. I keep telling him how much I love him and smother him with wet kisses all over. Then I start missing him around late morning onwards and look longingly at the photos of him that I’d put up on the wall.

For now, I’ve been helping out with stories for various publications. A story today, several snippets tomorrow. It’s a wonderful feeling to lose yourself among the scrawly texts. Time passes quite quickly and then it’s time to head home to my family. It’s a really fulfilling time.

Tomorrow the office will be shut till next Wednesday. I can’t wait to spend more time with Little J, breastfeed more, and catch up on my sleep.

updates

there's either something wrong with blogspot or joa's laptop becos for weeks, i haven't been able to post any pics.

whatever it is. i start work monday. just gone by to sign my appointment letter and now, i'm feeling an immense feeling of importance. part of the remuneration includes two free magazines. i chose 8-days and Style after realising there's not many to choose from. beats having nothing :)

it's also mandatory that we take two days' no-pay leave per month. just as well. lesser pay for me but more than with Little J.

tonight the gals and i are hanging out. been a long time since we had a girls' evening. we're celebrating my new career and i'm excited ;)

i also spent a fortune on work clothes. 2 pairs of work pants, 3 basic tops, a cardigan and a pair of pretty pumps. i'm still thinking of getting a nice mug and stationery. it's stupid i know. i sd just use whatever's given.

somehow i'm scared. scared of myself. becos everyone's been warning me about the culture, the politics, and the stress that i'm starting to wonder how long i'd really hold out. it'll be painful if i had to leave. i want this to be my big break.

back on the hunt again, now back on track.

I found a job. Or rather, God found me a job.

For a long time I've felt lousy about having to give up my dream of becoming a Journalist and leaving no choice but to pursue Corp Comms as an alternative. I started to aim for Corp Comms in MNCs but it was never enough.

This job comes as a major breakthrough. A miracle from God to take my first step towards my career in the newsroom and publishing house. I always knew He would bless me with something beyond my imagination. Something I could be proud of.

My career has taken for a turn. Once it was bleak but now full of hope. I've always lived with one of Dr Bernard's revelation: Sometimes life takes a wrong turn but God will always bring you back on track. Now I'm back. Just like everything else that happened in my life. Things took a wrong turn. But it eventually went back in line. I always knew only in the blackest of days can only God's light shine.

I'm on my way. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It feels better than striking lottery.

Thank you, God.